Many people struggle with feeling insecure, even though they might try to appear confident. Underneath their confident facade, they often harbor doubts and fears about themselves. In a world that values confidence and self-assurance, many individuals hide their insecurities behind a mask of bravado. However, certain phrases can reveal someone’s underlying lack of confidence. Pay attention to these phrases to spot signs of insecurity in others.
“Sorry”
Let’s talk about the word “sorry.” It’s a common word in everyday conversation, but it can also reveal insecurity. Sure, apologizing when you make a mistake is a sign of maturity and empathy. But sometimes, saying sorry too much can show that you’re unsure of yourself.
According to author and human behavior professor Melody Wilding, over-apologizing can hurt your confidence and make you seem less authoritative. People might think you’re trying too hard to be liked, which can backfire.
Constantly saying sorry, even when things aren’t your fault, can make others lose respect for you. And it can make you lose respect for yourself too. So, it’s important to find the right balance and apologize when it’s necessary, but not excessively.
“Yes”
Imagine having a conversation without ever saying “yes.” It’s hard to picture, right? But I’m not talking about agreeing with people. I’m talking about those who struggle to say “no.”
Psychologist Ahona Guha explains that some people over-commit because they feel like they have to say yes to every opportunity. They fear that saying no will make others dislike them.
These people often agree to things they shouldn’t, like working extra hours or hosting events, because they want to please others. They ignore their own needs and struggle to set boundaries.
“I’m probably wrong, but…”
Sometimes, insecure people use phrases to downplay what they say. It’s like they’re expecting others to disagree with them. They do this because they’re afraid of rejection. So instead of speaking confidently, they use these phrases to protect themselves.
These phrases also show they’re hesitant to share their opinions. Insecure people don’t like the idea of others disagreeing with them. But by doing this, they make it harder for others to take them seriously. They’re actually making rejection more likely.
“I’m so clumsy/forgetful/dumb, etc.”
In writing, these phrases may seem like clear signs of insecurity. However, insecure people often use them as self-deprecating humor.
A bit of self-deprecation can be funny, but it becomes a problem when it’s used to hide real insecurities. It’s tough to tell if someone is joking or hiding insecurity. But if they’re always putting themselves down and making it seem like a joke, it probably means they truly feel that way about themselves.
“I’m not good enough”
Once more, this belongs to the list of clearer signs of insecurity. The problem is, insecure folks truly think this way. When they struggle with something, they view it as a reflection of their own value.
This mindset often leads them to give up too soon, making it tough to reach their goals. Many phrases fit into this pattern: “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not smart enough,” “I don’t look good,” and more—all indicate someone grappling with insecurity.
“I got lucky”
When someone who lacks confidence accomplishes something, they often downplay it.
Insecure people feel uneasy about receiving praise, even when they deserve it. If you compliment them for doing something well, they might say they just got lucky or that others helped them. Tell them they look good, and they might deny it. Say they’re smart, and they might argue.
This is quite common. Psychologist Guy Winch explains, “People with low self-esteem often feel uncomfortable receiving compliments, but not everyone who feels uncomfortable receiving compliments necessarily has low self-esteem.” However, it could be a sign of insecurity if someone consistently struggles to accept a compliment.
“I messed that up, right?”
This is a bit different from the self-deprecating comments I mentioned earlier. Comments like this, posed as questions, are actually attempts to seek validation from others.
Insecure people struggle to validate themselves and their actions, so they seek validation from others. One way they do this is by asking leading questions like this.
These questions indicate that the insecure person wants you to disagree with them. They want you to say they didn’t mess up, that they’re competent, smart, attractive, or whatever the issue is. These leading questions are a clear sign of someone with low self-esteem.
“They always get what they want”
Sometimes, a lack of confidence can lead to feeling jealous of others. Insecure people often compare themselves to others. They look at people who have more money, better careers, happier relationships, or a better family life and wonder how they stack up.
This jealousy can come out in phrases like this, where the insecure person shows envy towards others. They might focus on how others seem to always get what they want or express envy of their confidence or success.
Overall, it’s a clear sign of deep insecurities. If they were more secure in themselves, they wouldn’t spend time worrying about what others have.
“I’m better than them”
This phrase might seem like it’s the opposite of what an insecure person would say. But people are complicated. Sometimes, we say the opposite of what we really mean.
Phrases like this are a way for an insecure person to point out flaws in other people. They hope to deflect attention from their own flaws and failings. They might say things like, “I’m better than them,” or, “at least I’m not as bad as that person.”
These phrases are a way for insecure people to compare themselves favorably to others. They hope you’ll agree, so they can feel better about themselves.