Does Your Relationship Need a Romantic Boost?
Are you and your partner feeling a bit disconnected lately? Whether you share a home or are miles apart, expressing and receiving love isn’t always straightforward. If you’ve ever felt like you’re not quite on the same page when it comes to showing affection, it could be because you’re speaking different love languages.
In his influential book, “The Five Love Languages: How to Express Commitment to Your Mate,” Dr. Gary Chapman identifies five distinct ways that romantic partners express and interpret love:
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Physical Touch
To delve deeper into these concepts and learn how to integrate them into your own relationship, we turned to Donna Keehn, a licensed marriage and family therapist. Keehn frequently incorporates the concept of love languages into her therapy sessions and considers them a valuable tool for improving relationship dynamics. The insights provided by understanding love languages can lead to both immediate and long-lasting positive changes in any partnership.
“In my experience, especially when working with couples, many individuals are unaware of their own love language, let alone their partner’s, which can lead to feelings of being constantly overlooked, unappreciated, and unloved despite their efforts to connect,” Keehn explains. “That’s why I believe it’s crucial to understand our own love language because the more self-awareness we have, the more emotional intelligence we possess… and the better we can connect with others, including our romantic partner, in healthy ways.” Below, Keehn delves into each of the five categories, offering tips for integrating them into your life, and emphasizes the importance of identifying which category resonates most with how you express and receive love.
Words of Affirmation “People who resonate with this love language appreciate feeling valued, loved, and understood by their romantic partners through verbal expressions of affection,” says Keehn. She explains that tender “I love you’s,” heartfelt compliments, and words of encouragement, support, and appreciation are perfect examples of this love language in action.
To incorporate this love language into your relationship, Keehn suggests using various mediums to share meaningful words with your partner, such as social media platforms, texting, handwritten notes, and direct conversation.
Quality Time
“Individuals who connect with this love language value feeling fully seen, accepted, and cherished by sharing intentional, screen-free time with their partner,” explains Keehn. She emphasizes the importance of stepping away from screens and distractions to foster genuine connection. Keehn suggests activities like deep conversations with focused eye contact, planned getaways, and any other form of intentional time together that allows for undivided attention.
Acts of Service
“This love language is all about doing things for your partner to make their life easier,” says Keehn. She highlights that individuals who resonate with this love language feel deeply cherished and appreciated when their partner takes proactive steps to alleviate their burdens, even if it means going out of their way.
Receiving Gifts
Contrary to popular belief, the value of a gift in this love language is not determined by its price tag. “Receiving Gifts is about the thoughtfulness behind the gesture rather than the monetary value,” explains Keehn. She encourages partners to focus on the perceived value of the gift in terms of thoughtfulness, rather than its cost.
She elaborates, “Individuals who prioritize Receiving Gifts as their primary love language often emphasize the symbolism behind the gifts and the emotions they evoke, such as joy, laughter, and feeling genuinely seen and valued.” The key to effective gift-giving in this context lies in ensuring that the gift truly “reflects your partner’s world, their interests, their desires, their favorite things/experiences, etc.”
Physical Touch
“Let’s clarify one thing right away,” Keehn chuckles, “the love language of Physical Touch encompasses far more than just sexual intimacy!” She elucidates, “Physical Touch can also be termed as Meaningful Touch, and this love language is essentially about expressing love through physical gestures, including holding hands, kissing, hugging, cuddling, and more.” Ultimately, individuals who prioritize Physical Touch as their primary love language value “the deep emotional intimacy they share with their partners when touch is involved, whether it’s non-sexual or sexual in nature.”
As for an enjoyable way to explore this love language? “I encourage couples to turn towards each other (maintaining full eye contact) while engaging in some form of physical touch, such as holding hands, for thirty seconds (I usually set a timer),” suggests Keehn. “Without fail, they’re amazed at how profoundly connected they can feel in such a short time, and how this sense of connectedness sustains them through thick and thin, and beyond!”