A kid told his mom his friend hit him. His mom said, “Boys don’t cry.” The kid stopped crying and got ready to be tough.
People often say things like, “Be a man! Don’t cry!” or “Are you a girl because you’re wearing pink?” Men hear these stereotypes from a young age. They get stuck in their minds, making it hard to ignore them. It’s not always easy for men, despite what some people think.
Men’s lives aren’t as easy as they seem. Society expects them to act tough and hide their emotions. They don’t talk about their feelings or mental health issues. They want love but often don’t ask for it, and many don’t realize they’re emotionally available.
Now, let’s talk about why men often struggle in romantic or platonic relationships. Let’s focus on men in heterosexual relationships. Here are some reasons why they might have a hard time:
High Expectancy
In different cultures, there are rules for men to follow. These rules often expect men to hide their emotions, be tough, and fulfill certain roles. These expectations can be hard to meet and can make men feel inadequate.
Traditionally, men are expected to be the breadwinners and support their families financially. This expectation is outdated and unfair. Society often values men who are emotionless and powerful, which puts pressure on boys to conform to this ideal.
When women earn more or men choose to stay home, it can upset societal norms. These expectations create a world that’s unfair to both men and women. The lack of attention to men’s mental health is also a problem. It contributes to issues like depression, anxiety, and suicide among men.
Fear of Rejection
What does it mean when a man handles rejection well? It shows maturity and acceptance. But in some cultures, men are expected to always succeed. Failure is seen as a stain on their character. This mindset is harmful to everyone. It makes men feel worthless if they fail and pressures women to say yes when they want to say no.
Performance anxiety
Men in relationships often feel pressure to perform well sexually. This pressure comes from societal expectations about masculinity. Men feel like they have to be perfect to be accepted. This can lead to stress and anxiety, which can cause sexual problems like erectile dysfunction and low libido.
Gender Stereotypes
When we talk about gender stereotypes, we often focus on how they affect women. But these stereotypes also impact men in relationships. Studies and research have shown how negative gender roles harm men, too. They’re expected to handle all the burdens in a relationship, fix all the problems, and hide their emotions. This can lead to harmful coping mechanisms like drinking, emotional outbursts, and even depression. Men may struggle to recognize and deal with their emotions, which can make them emotionally distant and lead to breakups. Despite their pain, gender stereotypes pressure men to hide their hurt and just move on.
Normative Male Alexithymia-
Understanding the emotional distress in men isn’t just a theory. There’s a psychological disorder called normative male alexithymia, which stems from men suppressing their emotions. It’s similar to clinical alexithymia and is considered pathological. Men’s inability to express their emotions in words or in healthy ways isn’t accepted by societal expectations of gender roles. Their desire to appear tough and strong as the ideal man leads to this psychological distress.
Men after a breakup-
Breaking up from a strong emotional bond is tough, especially after a long time together. People often struggle mentally after a breakup, but men are often told to just move on. This constant downplaying of men’s emotions hurts their ability to express and cope with pain in healthy ways. Men break up feeling frustrated and lacking empathy due to toxic masculinity and gender roles.
Even showing care for loved ones is seen as weak or sensitive for men. This judgment causes men to distance themselves from affection, whether it’s family, pets, or friends.
Regarding close friendships between men, society often approves of intimate and emotionally bonded relationships among women. But when men have such friendships, they’re sometimes labeled as gay.
But why this bias?
The reason is simple. Men are not encouraged to show emotions or be vulnerable. They’re not supposed to have close friendships other than with their female partner, and this lack of emotional support can make them suffer.
Also, men aren’t expected to have strong relationships with family members like parents or children. Being emotionally available isn’t seen as masculine.
So, how can we fix this struggle? We need to pay attention to boys as they grow up and teach them it’s okay to express themselves and seek help when needed. Rejection doesn’t make you a failure, and it’s okay to get therapy if you’re struggling. Surround yourself with supportive people who understand and accept you. Taking care of yourself doesn’t make you any less of a man.